So I can't believe it's already been a week since I've talked to you on the phone. Ha that came fast. But dad thanks for your e-mail (I'll read it later, I printed it off) and Rod thanks for your letter. I was actually feeling the same way you were expressing in your letter. So I'm working on those same things. It's just a fun process. So where to begin?? Well I'll start with the fact that I am starting to wing off my meds. it'll be a 3 week process of dropping 25mg per week so we'll see if it'll help with everything and with my exhaustion. The blood results came back and everything is fine there (as I figured it would) so I was right that it's probably the meds that was making me so tired. Cause even though I started taking them at night I wasn't as tired during the day (still tired) but I could not wake up! haha so now I was able to get up today and 6:40 instead of 7:45. We'll see how long that streak lasts. This past week has been pretty difficult. I've been having weird thoughts and feelings all week long and I don't like it. I'm trying my best and yeah I'm not perfect and I still mess up. Ha I'm still Derrek. But I just feel like the Lord is just disapointed with me and that I am just failing. Like I'm not where I should be in life. And I have been praying if this is true and if he really is disapointed and I haven't felt like it's not true. So it's great. Really, really frustrating. Cause I don't know what else to do in this area, No I don't listen to all of the promptings or get over myself that way but it's hard. Especially when every idea or thought just seems stupid to my comp and it's just dumb and I've lost like a ton of motivation and desire to keep trying, cause I don't know what else I can do. Jeff and Becky dropped. Because of the law of Chastity and them not willing to get married. So dumb and I don't like how my comp talked to Jeff. I think that's why he dropped. But I told him that we loved them and that I'll come check on them in a month. It's transfer week so on Wednesday night we'll find out who's leaving or staying. So next week I'll let you all know on that. Mom, Could you send me Jose's mission address please? thanks. So we have another Investigator named Jack Clark. I don't know if I said anything about him before but he's a pretty solid dude. He referred himself on mormon.org and wanted to meet with us, He's dating a 25 year old member who I'm guessing drew the line somewhere. But he's 40... So it's a little weird there but w/e. He used to be neighbors with our bishop, which is crazy, but he now lives near us in our apartment complex. He is still trying to get over the fact that he doesn't feel a need for "organized religion" all the other commitments aren't our problem. It's that. Ha and it's a tough shell to crack. He says he's praying pretty specifically and isn't receiving an answer. So we'll see how this will all work out. Umm Oh so I meant to tell you. On Christmas Mom, That Elf Yourself Video is an app one of our members showed us and I wanted to send it home to you guys. We had dinner at another family's house Christmas evening and it was good. It was with the Johnson family and they are probably my favorite family in the ward. They're awesome. I'm still working on everything I've stated in past letters. It's a slow process and I'm trying to get to the point where everything is ok. I'm not sure what else to really touch on. Not a whole lot has happened. This last week was just hard. Appts falling through. Can't get in to see anyone. Walking around in the snow. (which isn't bad at all, I just want to go snowboarding like really bad.. haha) Church was good yesterday. I took some good notes about reaching our potential and "always improving" and I can't remember who said this but one General Authority said that "God loves us too much to just let us sit around as we are." Which I get that. But I could really use his help. ha. Dad I'll be writing you this week. I have some things that I need help with. Satan Is working hard and I can't wait to kick him where the sun don't shine cause I'm sick of all these confusing things in my life right now. So look for that. I've taken a bunch of pictures for all to enjoy. Including the license plate with my initials. And I saw another at the hospital last night too! so I'll include those. Ahhh I miss everyone. Thanks for all the love and support you always give. I'm blessed to have everyone. Love you guys! hopefully I'll have more next week! Oh and the Kentucky shirt is from Sis. Brockman for Christmas. And I've included pictures of the snow we got.