Hey Mom,Thanks for writing, Mike tells me what you guys say on FB too haha so yeah anyways, to address your questions. Yes I would get the coat you got me for Alec. It helps a ton. It helped a ton during the winter cause out here it's like way bitter cold and easily got below zero degrees out here. So it'd be perfect for where he's going. And it works just fine on a bike. I'm glad Dallen's doing great and Alec and also that Ashton enjoyed EFY hopefully that'll be something he can always reflect on! Ha I did make Beecher Burgers. Not as good as his but it my first attempt at trying it like Beecher :) Couple of them messed up but they turned out pretty freakin delicious! I didn't get a receipt with the shirt. I don't think at least. I didn't see one at all. I wanna thank you for the letter you wrote with it though and also the e-mail dad sent. Both helped a ton! I also enjoyed the broadcast actually. It was cool to see and I'm hoping it helps with member work in this area. It'll be interesting to see what happens! Especially with the Facebook.
So I guess I'll start with Lex haha K so I know what you said is true. I'm not all brokenhearted about what happened. I haven't been in a while. Lately it's been weird but just random thoughts will come and they're only positive ones. Just how she was a great girlfriend and did a freakin ton for me and I'm forever grateful for that yeah I miss her. I know I messed up but hey It's all part of learning so now I know what not to do in the future. I wasn't myself and yeah definitely struggling with things in the gospel which was weird cause I never have before. So I think the Lord let everything fall apart so that 1) I didn't do more damage especially to Lex with her being on a mission. Cause she was acting different and so was I so it wasn't a good combo to try and serve the lord like that. and 2) it fully "forced" me to dig deep and fix things instead of waiting and hoping around. So it's been good. I've grown more and just like Grandpa Steurer, My mission took off after it. I know that whatever happens happens and whoever I end up with will be the right one. I still rely on god for that. I'm not worried about finding someone. Ha to be honest I'm totally content with not knowing. I've changed a lot with "always having to have that security" cause since this whole time everything (not just Lex) has been "uncertain" So it's been good for me and I'm learning lots from all this even though I still have rough days and don't give a crap about somethings. But hey I'm human. Most the time I get worked up and bottle things in and just need to vent and then I'm just fine after that and can move on. So maybe I should just write it down then throw it away. Only problem is is I don't like writing too much :P haha Oh well. I'm trying to be the best man I can be and I still have long terms goals in the church believe it or not. But I'm going to try to be the best husband and father to whoever I end up with and whatever kids I have. Ha Lexi is a good goal to shoot for and she's always pushed me to be better so with her needs and expectations I think shooting for that will help me to become the man I want and if it's not her then it's fine I'll still be a good husband and father :) Whatever happens and I know the lord knows what's right and what I need too. So I look forward to seeing what the outcome will be :) I still have all my goals and intentions and plans that I did before the mission and whoever I end up with will be the one I share that with. Like I said previously I've had a couple experiences that help me to keep going even though some days are harder. But hey the gospel was never easy. It wasn't easy for Jesus Christ. It wasn't easy for Old Testament people, It's definitely harder in today's world. but it 's possible, and God has promised his help. I know that I will never be perfect here on earth. Ha shoot. Look at Boyd K Packer. He says he's still learning. Some days I just wanna say forget it it's too hard. Or what is all this for? When will things get better? But I don't quit. and I think that's all the Lord needs to help get me back on track. Which is sometimes the greatest battle. But I've learned that the little things are definitely some of the greatest tools. And aids. Even though I've heard some crazy things about this church (even true facts that the church doesn't deny) It hasn't changed much of what I believe. I know that men aren't perfect and they had to work out some things as they were learning a long with trying to make things work. The spirit is still felt when I talk about the basic foundation of what I teach. I just gotta do it. Well get better at it. It's been a long nine months but I've learned a ton that I don't think I'll go back on. I wrote Beecher (you'll get the letter sometime this week) Saying how sometimes I look in the mirror and just seem different. I don't see the "twinkle" I thought I once saw. and My face looks different. haha I can't tell if it's being tired or having bad headaches or if it's me getting older or what haha I dunno but I'm trying to get it back somehow. I'll have too ask God how to do that one. :P but it's interesting. It's also really weird cause we have a couple kids we're teaching (like Hayden,15 and a new one we got yesterday Spencer, 14) and one kid in our ward who I love Xavier Brown (13) who Look older than they are.. It's crazy and what really throws me off is comparing them to the boys.. haha They fall where Dallen and Ashton do! haha it's so weird... Also hearing Ashton's voice deeper on Mother's day doesn't help either hahaha