Hey Mom and everyone!

 So thanks for your e-mail mom. Don't worry about the past one. I understand everything is just out of whack a little and it's stressful with Calvin. I wouldn't worry too much about him (I know that's hard) but I emailed him and he'll be fine. He'll come back and if he isn't back by the time I come home I'll work on him. But I think he's just hit that point that everybody has to go through, Really finding out if this church is true and all that jazz and I told him that I'm basically in the same boat. I had a good upbringing and never really questioned anything or tested it out for myself kinda thing and getting out here on the mission has forced me into really finding my testimony and what I believe. And I wish I figured crap out before I left, but I guess I felt prepared enough to be okay. Ha was I wrong. I'm just getting frustrated cause like my mind isn't as sharp as it once was so like it's really hard for me to get a handle on things and figure things out where as before I was able to kinda thing. So I was talking to Elder Peterson yesterday when we were tracting and he said he kinda went through the same thing cause and it's been brutal this last week cause I honestly felt like I was going to pass out at any given moment. Which is really weird but my body hates me or something and yeah. What else is new, But he said that he had a hard time focusing and all that that I'm kinda going through and said it just clicked one day. He doesn't know how but it did, And I kinda thought to myself that since I knew what my mind was capable of before, if I can somehow figure out how to get that back then it'll be so much better. Cause it's really stopping a lot cause my memory is gone. Ha I can't remember one day from the next or what happened 5 minutes ago type of thing. So I'm working on getting all that back and it's definitely been a trial. And Nana. I'm not tip toeing my way in or trying to keep one foot in the world. (although I can see how it seems that way) but I really am trying to figure this all out. Ha and either way Lexi is gonna tear it up and do a lot better than me anyways... That's a given. So I know she'll just do great. Which is good cause I don't want anyone to have to go through this but this is my time in my life where I really find out if this is all that it's cracked up to be. I was okay with the church and had good experiences but never really took the time to really solidify my testimony and really find out if Joseph Smith is a true prophet and all that even down to the very basic of "Is god really there, if so how can I know in a way that the spirit testify's to me" so it's not that I'm trying to be selfish and all that. I just am now questioning everything while still trying to do missionary work and focus on others. Which probably sounds weird or wrong to everyone but it's just what it is. This Last week was hard. It was just straight up rough. We could have been a little bit more diligent and we recognized that and are still striving to be better. So Missionary work from an outside stand point is easy work compared to "normal jobs" but it is seriously so mentally, physically and sometimes emotionally exhausting. And I think the reason I had such a rough start was cause I thought I was fairly solid in everything but trying to teach just felt empty and fake and that's what sucked. And the MTC is just a nightmare. ha you'll never see a place where more men cry in frustration and confusion than there. But it's a good growing experience. Sorry back to this last week. So it's felt like it's been forever. It's really fun scraping by on nothing to eat. I got eggs and butter and some bread with that money (PS. I'm not sure about this but apparently my account can't go below $50 and it's below that so I don't know if it's going to do something about it I just saw the notification on my E-mail. Just and FYI) but our MSF's will be reloaded this Friday so we're all good. The weather here has been ridiculous. Monday it was freezing... Grandpa you weren't kidding about the nasty winters here. It's not that the cold is killer but the bitter humidity just makes a 10 degree day feel like -2 with the wind chill. And we got some snow and ponds froze over which was entertaining. Our numbers were bad this last week and 4 out of the 6 investigators we found are slowly progressing so we didn't get any lessons really this last week. Three member meals. Elder Peterson and I have talked a lot which is good. I found out a lot about him and his past and yeah people think it's all peachy keen but just like you said dad everybody has a story. So he had a rough upbringing and at the beginning of his mission he just kinda burnt himself out so we are both working on getting back up and running. Ha just last night we stayed up till 3 in the morning talking. And for only getting 3 and a half hours of sleep I feel just the same as any other day which is sad. I went on exchanges this last week to Hilliard with Elder Bell. He's a cool kid. Been out for 8 months and kind of around his 4 month mark he kinda went through something similar. And I talked to Sister Nilsen on Friday... Thursday..? I can't remember. But she's a great help and it is really hard getting myself to do things again and stay motivated and commited but she brought up a several good points so I'm just trying to really figure things out. It's a long freaking process. But one day it'll click. Elder Peterson gave me a blessing (Sis. Nilsen's request.. still a good idea) but yeah. This next week we're gonna try and do our best on try not to burn ourselves out we are trying to get the ward to help us but it's been a hard puzzle to put together and my problem solving skills aren't what they used to so I better get it all back before I go to college cause it's just gonna make things impossible. But I'm still trying to have faith. That's been a hard one. And trying to find answers to the weird questions that come to mind and nothing is just satisfying anything so it's definitely hard to keep going at days and there are days where I just want to forget it but I do know that if I go home I'd probably be where Calvin is at and I don't want to risk that so I keep trying day by day. Sorry if it's frustrating for everyone to watch me "not get the picture" but I'm trying. I'm working on it. Trust me I'm more frustrated than anyone but I'm workin on it. Thanks for all the Love and support. Oh PS. funny stories this last week. So while I was on exchanges Elder Peterson tracted with Elder Price (our District Leader) and they got a potential and this chick gave them her number and it was a "1-800" number so we were like what the heck so we called it and it was a stupid sex hot line. Just like a little teaser and it was actually really funny. The chick did a horrible job. And it was really obnoxious but there is a fun story. Oh and we found an old Masonic Temple that hasn't been used in ages so we want to check that out one day. We have fun little adventures (I know I know we'll do better) but we find these random bags in creeks or in the woods and we're looking for money but it'll be someone's frozen work bag or a bag of clothes and just crazy stuff. So we don't know the story behind all this but it's gotta be a story most people don't like to hear. We don't know. But yeah. Elder Peterson fell through some frozen Ice when we walked 5 miles and took a little break and he was near the shore and we were standing on the ice and it was pretty solid and he jumped on it and it cracked and made a cool sound and I told him to do it again and we'll get it on camera and the ice broke and he got wet to the middle of his calf. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. It's cool though. We'll throw rocks and it'll get stuck halfway in the ice and make a sick sound! I got it all on camera. which reminds me. Mom could you possibly send out another SD card? I would appreciate that. I'll send some pictures but that's all for this week! Love you all! Oh and I hope you all don't think Elder Peterson is this apostate lazy fool. He's a hard worker and probably the craziest but best companion I'll have. Haha I definitely will NOT have anyone else like him. But it's all good. We're helping each other out. K love ya!

Elder Bowler