Hey guys. Happy St. Patrick's Day!So Bout teaching the drunk guy "I am a child of God" I'm not sure how well he would have remembered it. Still a good idea though. So... This week was pretty rough. We've had a couple good lessons and we were able to get Sheree and her family to church (the people we found last week didn't come and canceled on every appointment we tried to set up with them) one little miracle that happened was that we finally got in touch with Tim after 2 weeks! but for some reason they've canceled on every appointment as well... Pretty much every single day every appointment canceled. And that was very defeating. We've been finding pretty decently. But most of it has a hard time taking off. I liked what you said bout the Sower and such.. That's the conclusion I've come to. But not in that detail. It's hard though, and for me it's not about recognition from anybody. I've never cared about that. But I just feel like I'm not doing any good anymore. Cause like you said, The visible success isn't really there. I've been having a hard time feeling like I'm making God proud. I've made mistakes and done crap and almost like Alec. I've felt I've wasted a lot of time. My mission wasn't what I expected. Haha then again I don't think anybody's is. From all the trials and frustrations and let-downs. I sometimes don't feel like I'm where God wants me to be. Because of the efforts I'm trying to give daily, don't seem like their doing anything. And I feel it's hindering everything else as well. I reflect back on my testimony and wonder if that's the reason. Cause I'm told I can't convert someone beyond my own conversion and etc. So I've reflected on that. And I'm trying now to find my "Why?" to really find my own testimony. Cause I feel it comes and goes and it's not Solid. Maybe I should read previous letters home, but I think mostly it's the 4 weeks in a row of people flakin' out left and right and different trials coming up. I know God is there. But I wanna know if I'm making him even the least bit proud. That's really all I care about anymore. So this past week while in the midst of thinking what it is that keeps me going and why I'm out here. I've run into a couple scriptures and a couple thoughts came to my head that isn't anything set in stone but is gonna keep me going. Like Alma 17: 9-11 (Talks about being an example. Which goes along with what you were saying mom.) and also when I prayed and asked why am I here. the thought came "Because you told me you would." yeah.. that humbled me a bit haha. but it's true. I've never been one to quit but that helped. Still learning. and I'm glad He's patient with me! And just like Brad Wilcox says. Sometimes God waits a little bit until we do all we can to learn and find out our own answer so that we can truly learn more about his purposes and also learn what it is like to be Christlike. Which I'm stubborn and some things are harder to learn than others for me. But I'm getting there. Just gotta get the motivation and drive back up from getting knocked down. But We've been trying to come up with new ways to help the ward get into missionary work because our own efforts aren't following through. We did have a couple fun things happen so don't think that all my thoughts are totally negative. Which they really aren't. I'm just in another situation where I'm forced to learn and grow. And like Alec said. None of the vices we had back home are there to distract us. So it's hard. But it's good. You face disappointments time and time again. And I won't really see how this all effects me and blesses me till post mission but I can see times where it will help out a ton because I had the knowledge and experience I'm having out here.
Elder Derrek Bowler.