March 17, 2014

Hey guys. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

So Bout teaching the drunk guy "I am a child of God" I'm not sure how well he would have remembered it. Still a good idea though. So... This week was pretty rough. We've had a couple good lessons and we were able to get Sheree and her family to church (the people we found last week didn't come and canceled on every appointment we tried to set up with them) one little miracle that happened was that we finally got in touch with Tim after 2 weeks! but for some reason they've canceled on every appointment as well... Pretty much every single day every appointment canceled. And that was very defeating. We've been finding pretty decently. But most of it has a hard time taking off. I liked what you said bout the Sower and such.. That's the conclusion I've come to. But not in that detail. It's hard though, and for me it's not about recognition from anybody. I've never cared about that. But I just feel like I'm not doing any good anymore. Cause like you said, The visible success isn't really there. I've been having a hard time feeling like I'm making God proud. I've made mistakes and done crap and almost like Alec. I've felt I've wasted a lot of time. My mission wasn't what I expected. Haha then again I don't think anybody's is. From all the trials and frustrations and let-downs. I sometimes don't feel like I'm where God wants me to be. Because of the efforts I'm trying to give daily, don't seem like their doing anything. And I feel it's hindering everything else as well. I reflect back on my testimony and wonder if that's the reason. Cause I'm told I can't convert someone beyond my own conversion and etc. So I've reflected on that. And I'm trying now to find my "Why?" to really find my own testimony. Cause I feel it comes and goes and it's not Solid. Maybe I should read previous letters home, but I think mostly it's the 4 weeks in a row of people flakin' out left and right and different trials coming up. I know God is there. But I wanna know if I'm making him even the least bit proud. That's really all I care about anymore. So this past week while in the midst of thinking what it is that keeps me going and why I'm out here. I've run into a couple scriptures and a couple thoughts came to my head that isn't anything set in stone but is gonna keep me going. Like Alma 17: 9-11 (Talks about being an example. Which goes along with what you were saying mom.) and also when I prayed and asked why am I here. the thought came "Because you told me you would." yeah.. that humbled me a bit haha. but it's true. I've never been one to quit but that helped. Still learning. and I'm glad He's patient with me! And just like Brad Wilcox says. Sometimes God waits a little bit until we do all we can to learn and find out our own answer so that we can truly learn more about his purposes and also learn what it is like to be Christlike. Which I'm stubborn and some things are harder to learn than others for me. But I'm getting there. Just gotta get the motivation and drive back up from getting knocked down. But We've been trying to come up with new ways to help the ward get into missionary work because our own efforts aren't following through. We did have a couple fun things happen so don't think that all my thoughts are totally negative. Which they really aren't. I'm just in another situation where I'm forced to learn and grow. And like Alec said. None of the vices we had back home are there to distract us. So it's hard. But it's good. You face disappointments time and time again. And I won't really see how this all effects me and blesses me till post mission but I can see times where it will help out a ton because I had the knowledge and experience I'm having out here. 

We had a really sweet lesson this last week about the Plan of Salvation with Sheree. Which I think it was the first time we've actually taught the Plan of Salvation since I've been in this area. Which is crazy. But it was cool cause they said they felt a peace about some things that had happened. (Lot of lost loved ones) and That's one thing I'm grateful for is the knowledge of the P.O.S. (the good POS haha) so that was cool and they all came to church with us and were ready when we got there and it was sweet. Her two little boys were super shy but they're funny (Tyler is 6 and he said to Sheree when we first stopped by "That guy is Handsome" talking bout me. and yesterday to keep em entertained I just had them draw me some pictures of robot aliens haha :) I keep this stuff. Which isn't surprising.) but yeah they also said they liked church and so hopefully they'll come next week. She is like our most solid investigator that we have right now. So that's cool. We also had a cool lesson with another guy we tracted into (it's hard to get appointments with him too) but we stopped by his house and he was cooking dinner and we just talked a little about the Book of Mormon. and we just taught him how to pray and after we walked out of the front door he actually thanked us. Which helped a ton. I think that's the first time I've ever been thanked. So that was cool. And after that I actually felt the love of God in my heart. It was brief but it was a great stepping stone for me. And I'm glad that I am able to reflect on it. We played glow in the dark Dodgeball that some missionaries threw on in our zone for the community. That was cool. We got Tim there and he seemed to enjoy it. Saturday we helped a less-active move and that was a pretty tough move actually. Limited on help, And nothing was really prepared. But I got a good work out that day haha. Just glad we could help. Her mom passed away and she's been living in the house and it's just been hard on her. So she's now in the process of healing. Friday I went down to Huber Heights again for the contacts and G-Pa Bristow treated 6 missionaries to lunch! Cray cray. but it was really great to see everyone again. :) I love and miss you all. Dad, I still need your testimony and conversion story and Same to Grandpa Steurer. and anybody else who feels like writing one up :) I love you all dearly. thank you for the love and support you've always given me throughout this crazy life! I officially hit 18 months this Wednesday and it is unreal to think about! Love you all! Sorry if this was scattered!

Love,

Elder Derrek Bowler.